Safety: What it Means from an Attachment Trauma Therapist’s Lens
Hey there! It’s been a while since my last blog post but I am here! This cold weather season is really putting me through it but with plenty of grace and compassion, I am learning how to show up within my capacity each day. With the passing of the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays as well as the Hallmark holiday that is Valentine’s Day, I have found myself having the same conversation with virtually all of my clients, so I wanted to bring this topic to the general public!
When many of us think about the concept of safety, we think that safety means protected from death or physical injury. This is not incorrect, but as a therapist who specializes in treating the effects of developmental trauma (AKA attachment trauma), I view safety from a very holistic and integrative perspective. I believe that it is SO important to be aware of the different types of safety and what these look like in our own relationships and environments that we occupy.
Six Safety Categories
Physical: Refers to having respect for one’s personal space and comfortable and consensual physical contact with others.
Emotional: Refers to having healthy emotional boundaries and an unconditional sense of emotional authenticity with others.
Intellectual: Refers to one feeling that their creative abilities, knowledge, skills, and desire to learn and think deeper are supported.
Spiritual: Refers to having respect for how one expands their sense of purpose, connection, and meaning in life.
Environmental: Refers to occupying pleasant, stimulating environments that support overall well-being.
Material: Refers to one feeling that their finances/money and possessions are respected. Ability to set boundaries surrounding these items.
Does this list activate any thoughts, emotions, or analysis for you? I want to emphasize that, depending on the type of relationship, it is common for you to feel one or multiple types of safety with a person/place/or thing but not others. For example, with your employer it is important to have a solid sense of environmental and intellectual safety but you may not feel completely emotionally or spiritually safe when in your workplace. A friendship, intimate partner relationship, and child-caregiver relationship can all look different in regard to the types of safety you experience within them.
Having boundaries in all of these categories is also critical for maintaining safe and functional relationships in our lives but that is a whole topic for another blog post! We hope you take this list and apply it to each relationship and environment that you occupy in your daily life in order to determine what type of support or connection you need and who/where you feel safe seeking that support or connection from! I do not go to my parent for the same type of support or connection that I would go to a partner for. Past trauma and other types of intersectionality should be strongly considered and addressed when determining parameters for safety.
“Safety is something that happens between your ears, not something you hold in your hands.”
DISCLAIMER: All views and information on this site/post are my own and do not represent the opinions of any entity whatsoever with which I have been, am now, or will be affiliated. The information on this site/post are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any mental illnesses. I, the author, do not in any way guarantee or warrant the accuracy, completeness, or usefulness of any message and will not be held responsible for the content of any message. Always consult your personal physician(s) for specific medical and/or mental health advice and/or treatment.
